remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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