it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
