I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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