all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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