That's intense
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
