i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
