Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
one two three fourrrrnication!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
