My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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