Plan B is the new Plan A
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
