Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
