Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
