it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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