Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
