I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my phone needs a breathalizer
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
