And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
