Got a toothbrush?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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