Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
