If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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