My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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