I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
