Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
