Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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