Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
