I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
