i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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