remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
