My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
