And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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