I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
