Small penises have feelings too.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
