She's JV to your varsity
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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