You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
