Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
