Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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