I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
