happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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