the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
