Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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