i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
