I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Success! We fucked roommates!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
