I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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