Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
