I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
