The maid of honor just puked.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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