When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
