also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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