is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
