I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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