Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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