she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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