How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
