The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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