I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
