that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
