just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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