Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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